NHL All Star Game Controversy!!!
As you may or may not be aware, a strange controversy has struck the NHL recently. With an online campaign launched via Reddit and Twitter to vote in some random guy and even try to make him the TOP vote getter. Well it turns out the internet has succeeded and we’ve got the exclusive¹ on just who this person is.
His name is Scott Johns and he’s the man behind² the Arizona Coyotes of Pheonix Mascot!! That’s right, the internet has voted in an NHL Mascot to play in their All-Star game.
We’re not exactly sure why this was done, other than to embarrass the league and process behind All-Star voting, but it’s amazing.
The league even tried to get him to gracefully bow out of the festivities, but he declined. We contacted³ him for a quote; “Are you kidding me?!?! This is the greatest day of my life! I can’t wait to get out there and show all those prissy, over priced, %$^#%’s what for!”
Left with almost no other options, they even convinced Arizona to trade him to the Montreal Canadiens whom promptly demoted him to their AHL team, the St. John’s Icecaps. They hoped this would create a loop hole that would allow them to hold him out of the All Star game, but it only served to piss off the AHL commissioner who is now forcing St. John’s to change their team name to the Coyotes.
The AHL commissioner was not available for comment, but an unnamed source in the league office overheard something to the effect of “Look, according to our league’s rules that are on the back of this napkin, if you acquire a Mascot via trade, you just gotta change your team name, I mean, otherwise, the whole world will be totally confused by the St. John’s Icecaps being represented by a Coyote; like what are we, Acme?”
However, even after taking all these extreme measures, the NHL eventually acquiesced to the internets will. They will now allow Scott Johns to be Captain of the Pacific Divisions squad, even going so far as to tell Scott that they will “look after” all travel and accommodations; but if I were Scott, I’d be double checking the reservations myself, you’d hate to have a “travel snafu” cause him to miss the festivities he’s so deservingly earned.
- Easy to have an exclusive on shit we’ve made up
- I’m sure he could be the dude in the Mascot suit, does anyone REALLY know who’s inside those things. Hell, I could be writing this whole article from inside one right now!
- Impossible to contact someone we made up, so guess where this came from…