NBA Exposé—Nepotism Invades!
One of sports most sacred rules has been violated. Sports after all are supposed to be about edicts like; “may the best man win”, “only the strong survive”, and “it’s not about who you know, but how good you are”.
And yet, through extensive deductive reasoning¹ and exhaustive in depth research², Sukkerpunch.com has learned that Los Angeles Clippers’ coach Doc Rivers is giving his son Austin, extensive and meaningful playing time despite wildly subpar performance.
Austin Rivers had a tough start to his NBA career with the New Orleans Pelicans despite a fairly successful College career. And, in the middle of last season, with statistical indicators suggesting he was actually declining and not improving as you would expect for someone of his age, the Pelicans traded him to the Boston Celtics.
The Celtics, it turns out, must have had ulterior motives as they immediately flipped him to his fathers’ team, the Los Angeles Clippers, for a decent return despite his apparent lack of ability.
It should also speak volumes about the situation that this is the first time in NBA history that a father actually coached his son. But do not kid yourself, this is not a Ken Griffey Jr. and Sr. thing. Austin Rivers is lucky to be in the league period, let alone playing a decent amount of minutes for a team, the Clippers, that purports itself to be a serious title contender. It’s one thing to play big minutes on the hapless Pelicans but a complete other thing to do the same on the Clippers.
We reached out³ to an unidentified source from another team for comment. They said, “What do I think about Doc playing Austin so much?… what do you think? It’s fucking GREAT!! I hope he plays him even more” and followed up with; “Does he have any other children he’d like to start for them?… maybe they can take minutes away from Blake or Paul”
I wonder if the next move is having Steve Ballmer’s son play centre for them? Surely he can hit as many free throws as DeAndre.
Well, there you have it folks, the veil has been lifted, I’m sure this will be a national story shortly.
- Deductive Reasoning equated to doing the math on both men having the same last name.
- By in depth research we mean a quick google search.
- In this case, reached out means “made up”